Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize