anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
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