we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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