you guys were way drunker than both of me
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
