Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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