she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
