At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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