so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
