Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
