I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
