Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I got inside last night via doggy door
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