Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
