I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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