Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
