I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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