her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
