At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
