IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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