i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
