Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
