how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize