If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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