Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
