Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
