I'm really into asian looking animals
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
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