mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Sext me about skeletons
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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