Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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