Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
