Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Randomize