I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
