I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Randomize