I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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