I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Girls should come with a carfax report
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
there is puke in my bra ... again
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
