i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Randomize
