Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
