Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
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