What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
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