She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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