He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
