he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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