i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Randomize
