this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
