My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
cat food counts as protein by the way
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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