its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
