When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
