well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
