You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Randomize
