she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
he shaved USA in his pubs
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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