i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
