Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
