So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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