This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
