in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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