Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
