He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize