five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I could make wine with my vomit
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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