I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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