im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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