everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
