Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
