"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Will exercising make me less horny?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
