Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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