so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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