Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize
