We named our party play list daddy issues
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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