How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
A bitchslap is in order.
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