There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
