My nipple is on Facebook.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
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