I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
