It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
