got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
