Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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