Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
