problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize