She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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