I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
