he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
