I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
