He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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