If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
