Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
