Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
