My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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