you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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