Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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