Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
