physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
